Joyful and optimistic seem to describe me a good portion of the time.
But can I be honest for a moment? I mean, if I cannot be honest to the Internet than whom can I be honest with?
Today started out completely horrid. There was no reason for it to. I just woke up sincerely wishing the day were already over. Call it a bad case of the Monday’s, but frankly, I do not buy that. I just woke up with the knowledge that this particular day already had it out for me.
Obviously, I am exaggerating a bit, but at first blink, when my 7:29 alarm sounded, those were my honest to goodness feelings.
I think this mood may have been brought on by the fact that my heart has been incredibly troubled for the past 32ish days.
What do you do when heartbreak seems inevitable? Whose fault is it? Is it anyone’s fault? Will it ever go away? How many different types of heartbreak are there? And is worrying about my own heart even relevant when the hearts of those around me are in desperate need of something I may have to offer?
Is this all an attribution of the Fall? Does the difficulty of deciphering His voice rest in the garden?
I cannot hear the voice of God like I should. I dare say none of us can. We try.
Oh, we try so desperately. Sometimes we hear. Sometimes we see. But, a good portion of the time I would wager we do not.
If I could just listen. If I could just silence my mind, mouth, and ambitions, would pain really be avoidable? Would we really be filled with the glorious expectations our Father has hidden for us?
My heart hungers for that intimate relationship with my Savior.
Because we are connected by His heartbreak.
But, all I really want is Eden.
Uganda proposes an anti-homosexual act calling for practicing homosexuals to be executed. We are waging war. Capital punishment. Slaughter of sin should not be taken out against the body of those in practice. If that were the case, we would all be bloodied and dying where we stand. Sin needs to be slaughtered in the heart. I do not mean to sound quite so pacifist here…but maybe I am. Do we not remember the happenings of the Holocaust? Has anyone looked at Rwanda in the past few decades? And what about Haiti? What is happening now? Amidst all of this, how can your heart not break? Where do we go from here? And where does the “go-to-college-to-get-your-degree-so-you-can-get-a-job-and-provide-a-house-and-stability-for-a-family-with-two-kids-and-a-dog” dream come into play? Where is God among all those hyphens?
And as I said before, all I really want is Eden.
The Good Things:
I just ate an entire bag of Chex Mix-score!
Crying.
Fudge from downtown Disney.
Eating off campus.
Disneyland with Ben, Kevin, and Rachel.
A phone call from Cameron.
NorCal visitor this weekend!
Sociology.
RA decision tomorrow.
Taking a risk and requesting an application for a summer something....? (prayer please please!)
Jesus. Jesus. Jesus.
Monday, February 8, 2010
Caution: Questions ahead.
Joyful and optimistic seem to describe me a good portion of the time.
But can I be honest for a moment? I mean, if I cannot be honest to the Internet than whom can I be honest with?
Today started out completely horrid. There was no reason for it to. I just woke up sincerely wishing the day were already over. Call it a bad case of the Monday’s, but frankly, I do not buy that. I just woke up with the knowledge that this particular day already had it out for me.
Obviously, I am exaggerating a bit, but at first blink, when my 7:29 alarm sounded, those were my honest to goodness feelings.
I think this mood may have been brought on by the fact that my heart has been incredibly troubled for the past 32ish days.
What do you do when heartbreak seems inevitable? Whose fault is it? Is it anyone’s fault? Will it ever go away? How many different types of heartbreak are there? And is worrying about my own heart even relevant when the hearts of those around me are in desperate need of something I may have to offer?
Is this all an attribution of the Fall? Does the difficulty of deciphering His voice rest in the garden?
I cannot hear the voice of God like I should. I dare say none of us can. We try.
Oh, we try so desperately. Sometimes we hear. Sometimes we see. But, a good portion of the time I would wager we do not.
If I could just listen. If I could just silence my mind, mouth, and ambitions, would pain really be avoidable? Would we really be filled with the glorious expectations our Father has hidden for us?
My heart hungers for that intimate relationship with my Savior.
Because we are connected by His heartbreak.
But, all I really want is Eden.
Uganda proposes an anti-homosexual act calling for practicing homosexuals to be executed. We are waging war. Capital punishment. Slaughter of sin should not be taken out against the body of those in practice. If that were the case, we would all be bloodied and dying where we stand. Sin needs to be slaughtered in the heart. I do not mean to sound quite so pacifist here…but maybe I am. Do we not remember the happenings of the Holocaust? Has anyone looked at Rwanda in the past few decades? And what about Haiti? What is happening now? Amidst all of this, how can your heart not break? Where do we go from here? And where does the “go-to-college-to-get-your-degree-so-you-can-get-a-job-and-provide-a-house-and-stability-for-a-family-with-two-kids-and-a-dog” dream come into play? Where is God among all those hyphens?
And as I said before, all I really want is Eden.
The Good Things:
I just ate an entire bag of Chex Mix-score!
Crying.
Fudge from downtown Disney.
Eating off campus.
Disneyland with Ben, Kevin, and Rachel.
A phone call from Cameron.
NorCal visitor this weekend!
Sociology.
RA decision tomorrow.
Taking a risk and requesting an application for a summer something....? (prayer please please!)
Jesus. Jesus. Jesus.
But can I be honest for a moment? I mean, if I cannot be honest to the Internet than whom can I be honest with?
Today started out completely horrid. There was no reason for it to. I just woke up sincerely wishing the day were already over. Call it a bad case of the Monday’s, but frankly, I do not buy that. I just woke up with the knowledge that this particular day already had it out for me.
Obviously, I am exaggerating a bit, but at first blink, when my 7:29 alarm sounded, those were my honest to goodness feelings.
I think this mood may have been brought on by the fact that my heart has been incredibly troubled for the past 32ish days.
What do you do when heartbreak seems inevitable? Whose fault is it? Is it anyone’s fault? Will it ever go away? How many different types of heartbreak are there? And is worrying about my own heart even relevant when the hearts of those around me are in desperate need of something I may have to offer?
Is this all an attribution of the Fall? Does the difficulty of deciphering His voice rest in the garden?
I cannot hear the voice of God like I should. I dare say none of us can. We try.
Oh, we try so desperately. Sometimes we hear. Sometimes we see. But, a good portion of the time I would wager we do not.
If I could just listen. If I could just silence my mind, mouth, and ambitions, would pain really be avoidable? Would we really be filled with the glorious expectations our Father has hidden for us?
My heart hungers for that intimate relationship with my Savior.
Because we are connected by His heartbreak.
But, all I really want is Eden.
Uganda proposes an anti-homosexual act calling for practicing homosexuals to be executed. We are waging war. Capital punishment. Slaughter of sin should not be taken out against the body of those in practice. If that were the case, we would all be bloodied and dying where we stand. Sin needs to be slaughtered in the heart. I do not mean to sound quite so pacifist here…but maybe I am. Do we not remember the happenings of the Holocaust? Has anyone looked at Rwanda in the past few decades? And what about Haiti? What is happening now? Amidst all of this, how can your heart not break? Where do we go from here? And where does the “go-to-college-to-get-your-degree-so-you-can-get-a-job-and-provide-a-house-and-stability-for-a-family-with-two-kids-and-a-dog” dream come into play? Where is God among all those hyphens?
And as I said before, all I really want is Eden.
The Good Things:
I just ate an entire bag of Chex Mix-score!
Crying.
Fudge from downtown Disney.
Eating off campus.
Disneyland with Ben, Kevin, and Rachel.
A phone call from Cameron.
NorCal visitor this weekend!
Sociology.
RA decision tomorrow.
Taking a risk and requesting an application for a summer something....? (prayer please please!)
Jesus. Jesus. Jesus.
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"where is God among all those hyphens?"
ReplyDeletethis was the best thing I read all day. it's so true, it totally hits home. we live a life of hyphens.