The reason I fell in Love:

I recently finished Redeeming Love by Francine Rivers. It was phenomenal, and it tugged at my heart in every way I expected it to. If you have never heard of this book, go buy it or ask to borrow it from me. It is a novel based on the book of Hosea. Awesome stuff.

The story of Hosea has always captivated me. God's portrayal of love to His unfaithful wife, Israel, through Hosea and Gomer's marriage just wrecks me. Why? Because I am a dirty whore much like Israel and Gomer. Hold back the shock, please.

Just about a week ago a Brother prayed John 4 over me: The story of the Samaritan woman at the well. Now, what the Spirit spoke to him was paralleling the woman and her testimony to me. My friend rejoiced in her as the first missionary. The woman was so enraptured by the Messiah and His promise that she left the only thing she carried with her to tell the entire town about Him. She was relentless in her sharing because His love relentlessly revealed and pursued her. Her testimony and the words of Christ led many to call Jesus "the Savior of the world (John 4.42)." She sparked curiosity about Jesus and propelled an entire town of people to His arms. As my Brother encouraged this role in me, I could only dare to dream to share in this side of the character of the woman at the well.

The Samaritan woman was also said to have had 5 husbands, and the man she had when she met Jesus was not one of them. But my friend disregarded her unfaithfulness in regards to how he perceived my own lifestyle. Pure perhaps? Faithful? I am not entirely sure. But what I do know is this: I feel more like the Samaritan woman in this aspect than the Jesus-sharing, evangelistic missionary woman she was transformed in to.

I am a dirty whore.

I prostitute myself to my own debilitating fear and control issues each and every day. I know that 1st Timothy 4:12 says do not let others look down on you because you are young, but I regularly look down on myself for being young. I allow my own condemnation to limit what I hear from God and this in turn leads me to a place of unhealthy passivity and an apathetic sin nature. I used to allow myself to make lists of what I thought my life should be filled with. For years, I fooled myself into believing that these lists were my way of trusting God, when, in reality, I was testing Him. I cannot making a shopping list for my husband, family, job, lifestyle, home, and church. Making my own list eliminates the bounty of choices my Savior wants to bring and bless me with.

I play mistress to my image more than I care to admit. Trying to appear as if I do not care takes just as much work as actually caring.

I lust after the opinions of my family. I gorge myself upon their approval of my potential rather than my true Father and Family's encouragement.

And this is why the story of Hosea speaks to my soul: YHWH still calls me His Beloved even when I run to the arms of my other lovers. He craves my affection and attention. He desires to hear me sing out His name no matter how soiled or dirty I become. He longs to make me His one and only so that His righteousness, justice, love, and compassion may be made known to me. I am a dirty whore, and He loves me just as I am. I will continue to break His heart, and He will continue to delight in me just as He always has.

And His Love is what has captivated the essence of my very being.

I am that Samaritan woman, in her testimony of His love and the reality of her promiscuity.

I am Israel, so unfaithful and yet so desired.

I am Gomer, deemed so undeserving of love, redemption, and faithfulness but completely soaked in it.

He will always be my Everything, my Savior, my Sunrise, my Love, and my Abba.

And I will be His Hephzibah, His Beloved, and His Daughter from now until forever.

Hosea 2:14:“But then I will win her back once again.
I will lead her into the desert
and speak tenderly to her there" (NLT)

Hosea 2:15: "There she will sing as in the days of her youth." (NIV)

Hosea 2:19-20: "I will make you my wife forever,

showing you righteousness and justice,
unfailing love and compassion.
²⁰ I will be faithful to you and make you mine,
and you will finally know me as the Lord." (NLT)